I've started several different blog posts lately, but I haven't posted any…I think it's because my mind is changing and shifting faster than I can find the time to actually finish a post and put it in this space. As I look back at my drafts I marvel a bit at what I was thinking that day and wonder how I would have finished the post I started. Sometimes it makes me feel a little bit schizophrenic.
That said, I'll try to finish this one before I get distracted and forget the point I was trying to make.
We've all heard it, and probably most of us have said it, either as a joke or seriously to someone we know: "Life isn't fair."
Obviously that's true—how can life be fair? We've developed rules and regulations in the legal system to create a semblance of "fairness," but really, can anything truly be fair? My friend Aimee and her law school buddies discuss things like this and I listen…changing the location of a trial, for example, to make it more "fair" for the plaintiff in a personal injury case. Does that make the case any less fair for the defendant?
I remember my parents deliberately doing things to make life more fair for me and my sister, but also hearing that life wasn't fair, and that was something I needed to learn. I have great friends who love nothing more than working the system to get a deal, which always strikes me as slightly unfair to people who don't have the gumption or the know-how to skate around the rules, but then again, aren't those opportunities there for anyone who wants to take them?
Warning: Possible spoiler ahead for those who have NOT finished reading the Twilight series and may want to avoid hearing something to ruin the story.
So, I've been reading those vampire books, the ones everyone seems to be reading these days—Stephenie Meyer's Twilight 4-book series. I'm in the 4th book, but not very far. The heroine, Bella, is in love with two boys—who happen to be a vampire and a werewolf (don't laugh too hard—I am a sucker for fantastical stories). Most people I've talked to about these books have been rooting for the main character's vampire love, Edward, to win her over and for the two to live happily ever after, but I'm not convinced.
I myself am more of a Jacob girl (Jacob's the werewolf whom Bella ALSO loves, just not in the same was as Edward). For whatever reason, I've found myself on Jacob's side. I feel like Bella and her vampire are silly, and making bad choices, and that she should stop being such a TEENAGER and think about the realistic implications of her choices. I don't know if there is any way for this fictional love triangle to resolve itself so that all the parties (any of the parties?) would feel it was fair. I suppose I'll have to see what I think at the end.
Fairness comes with a bias, and maybe this is what our parents meant when they told us the world was not fair—fairness is in the eye of the beholder. Obviously if I feel I am getting the shorter end of the stick (translated: if what I hope for isn't happening), I'm going to think the outcome isn't fair. I'm going to be more likely to overlook the fairness aspect if the chips fall in my direction.
I still find myself thinking to myself, quite often, "That's not FAIR!" I probably don't say it quite in those words, or say it out loud at all, but plenty of things make me think it: a co-worker being overlooked for a promotion because he or she doesn't know the right people or move in the right social circles; the mistreatment of a dinner companion by a restaurant employee; a troubling late-night email from a friend that causes me angst enough to craft a well-thought reply, only to be brushed off in the sobering light of day.
I suppose part of the problem is that I WANT the world to be fair, albeit from my skewed point of view. I WANT to do the right thing, and be honest and open and thoughtful, and I want everyone else to be that way, too. I WANT people to feel whole and happy, and I'm troubled when I can't do anything to push a friend in that direction. I don't just want things to be fair for me, but I want to make sure that the things I do are fair for others.
Am I wrong to want things to be fair? Is it possible? Can I learn how to stop agonizing over what's fair for everyone, to accept that you can't please all of the people all of the time? How do YOU handle fairness, with your friends, with your family, with your co-workers, with your kids?
