Patience

I have just discovered that I am not a very patient person.

You might be saying to yourself, "Um, hello, you're just noticing?" or "How can you not know whether you are patient or not?" These are good questions.

As it turns out, I haven't ever really thought about it before. As I mentioned in Tuesday's post, I went to a great yoga class on Monday night, were I learned the word "kshama," which means patience, or being in the now. Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, which is good--but it's made me realize just how impatient I am.

I hate waiting for someone to email me or text message me back. I want it to happen instantaneously. When I send someone an instant message, I want them to respond instantly. When I call someone on the phone, I want them to answer. I hate it when my friends don't update their blogs every day for me to read, even though I don't always update my own blog in a timely manner. Whether it is at work, or at home, I have been noticing that I'm irritated when I don't receive instant gratification.

I hate traffic, and red traffic signals, and even the drive home (it is just too long). I hate waiting for planes, or waiting for luggage to come around the carousel. I spend the week waiting for the weekend. And this week, I have been impatient for another yoga class! This sort of defeats the purpose of the pondering, doesn't it? If I am supposed to be trying to be patient, then I shouldn't be tapping my foot impatiently waiting for class to come around.

I'm not sure how one goes about teaching oneself to be patient. I think it might have something to do with breathing deeply and trying to find something to focus on in the moment. Does this have something to do with our instantaneous culture? Cell phones and PDA's that deliver all our information to it the moment it happens--we don't have to wait to get to a computer to read our email--it is sent straight to the phone! My Facebook updates are all sent to me in text messages. When I have a question about, oh, say, what's the average amount of calories a person can burn while working at a desk, or how many individuals in the 20th and 21st century have owned lions as housepets, I immediately drop everything I'm doing and BAM! Google directs me to an answer. If I am surrounded and immersed in this kind of instant gratification all the time, how can I learn to be patient?

As an adult, and a human, I have to at least pretend to be patient on a regular basis. My puppy, when she wants to play, stands in front of you and barks until you grab the other end of whatever it is she wants to tug. It's not a small bark, either--it's as big as she is, 125 pounds. I have to sit on my hands and wait for a colleague to respond to a message, or for my friends to email me back, knowing full well that I am not the only person requiring their attention for the day.

Maybe being aware of it is the first step, right? Admitting I have a problem? There, done. What's next? I can't wait.