Memories

I've been going through boxes of my "memories." My mom kept a big steamer trunk that she put my things in--photos, programs from plays I was in, books I wrote, diaries from 3rd grade on, and cards I made (mostly for mom). It's a big trunk, and heavy. I thought it was a lot of stuff.

As I looked through it, and those artifacts jogged my memories, I started realizing how many moments of my life AREN'T documented. I also realized how much I need things, or pictures, to help me remember the things I've done, the places I've been, and the people I know. My recall isn't very good--friends are always reminding me of things we've done together, and as they talk the memories start to come back, but before those conversations, I can't remember a thing.

One of my favorite radio shows, Radio Lab from WNYC (a public radio station in New York), did an episode about memory. One of the things they talked about in this episode was how memory works. As you pull back a memory from the database in your head, you apply the rest of your life experiences to the situation, and add details, and fill in blanks, without really realizing that you're doing it. You change the memory and remember it slightly differently than it actually happened. The truest memory is the one that stays locked in your brain forever, that you don't ever access...but then it's worthless, right?

I can remember tiny snitches of things that I don't have pictures of--standing at the top of the stairs that went down to the basement in my grandparent's house in Springfield, making my sister laugh uncontrollably in the backyard as I chased her on the swing, riding my bike so fast my hair streamed out behind me down the streets in Monett, MO. They're more like pictures than concrete memories, and I remember more feelings than conversations or events.

Now we have digital cameras and cell phones that can capture every moment. We can blog our thoughts and keep records of every daily event, not just like a diary, but in a computer database, with search capabilities. We can post videos online and track who watches them.

Part of my problem with keeping the things that jog my memory is that I hate clutter. I want to get rid of things, to purge my life of everything I don't need at the moment. I'm usually sorry about it later.

So, I know it isn't time for New Year's resolutions just yet...but I think that's going to be mine for 2009--to document my life more completely. Since I can do it digitally, I hope to be able to avoid my fear of the clutter taking over my life. Maybe I can also work on my recall...memory game suggestions, anyone?