The Giving of Gifts

Last weekend, I went Christmas shopping. I was searching for a few specific things for my family members, keeping Christmas modest and light this year, in view of the economy and other factors that have made this year a little challenging for all of us. I had a list, and (since I love lists and the feeling of checking things OFF my lists), I was sticking to that list like a soldier in battle—trying to get in and out of stores quickly and painlessly, finding what I needed and then planning a quick exit strategy. My plan was to buy what I needed, speed home, get things wrapped, and be done with it.

Sound like a beautiful and meaningful holiday season to you?

My plans were derailed by the fact that I went shopping with my friend Aaron. Aaron is NOT a list-maker, and, even though he made a list in an attempt to make me feel better about the afternoon, he didn’t really follow it. We went from store to store as his excitement for the season and for the gifts he was buying for his loved ones grew. He got more and more ecstatic about his goods with each purchase. You could see him imagining his loved ones opening presents in total surprise as he placed items in his cart.

I think I need to rethink the giving of gifts this season.

Sometimes I can be a bit of a humbug about Christmas—I am not one to keep much “stuff” around, and the things that I need or want I tend to just go out and get myself, so when it comes to Christmas, and someone asks what I would like, I can’t come up with anything. I don’t think that’s necessarily bad—I love holidays for the time spent with family and friends, relaxing, laughing, playing, and eating good food. THAT is as much of a present as anything I could think to ask for, so again, it’s hard to make a wish list.

On the other hand, I do like giving presents. I am hard on myself sometimes about finding the PERFECT present—that one thing that will make my sister giggle, or my brother-in-law’s eyes light up, or my mother to gasp “how did you know!” It gets MUCH harder to do this as people get older and more established in their lives, and really requires a lot of planning (not something I give myself much time to do). And it has come to my attention that other people love to give gifts, too.

Duh, Kate, you might be thinking to yourself. You’re not the only one who enjoys giving more than receiving. In fact I would venture to say that MOST people I know would much rather watch others open the gifts they give than open something themselves. But that means that we, as givers, also have to be responsible receivers, and learn how to take something with gratitude and humbleness, whether it is a compliment or a Christmas sweater.

Gretchen from The Happiness Project posted a link today to an article from The New York Times about the potlatch—a ceremonial tradition of giving to excess in some native American tribes. The article talks about what we can learn in today’s economy from giving, rather than cutting back, and what it means to be a giver, rather than focusing on receiving.

I hope to practice gift-giving with some measure of abandon this season—even if my gifts aren’t wrapped, but rather spoken, or sung, or practiced. Enjoy the potlatch!