A Decade of Me

Last week I had lunch with someone I hadn't seen in 10 years. A decade. Since I was still a teenager. It made me think about all the things that I have been and done since we last spoke.

I almost expected, before arriving to the lunch, that I would feel as if I had changed monumentally from who I was at the age of 19, but as I sat down and we talked about college and work and life in general, I was surprised to realize that I actually felt much the same as I did 10 years ago.

I have learned a few things and experienced a lot, so that isn't to say that I'm not changed as a person. I suppose I never really feel as old as I am, and I think most people would probably say the same. Years go by quickly (and even more quickly the older we are) and so it is nice to know that I still feel like I'm 21 or so.

Since I turned 19 (I believe I saw my friend last on or around my 19th birthday), I have gotten a tattoo, become financially independent from my parents (a little earlier than I planned), lived in Europe for a year, graduated from college, floundered as an unemployed college graduate, gotten a job, started listening to NPR, gotten married, bought a house, trained dogs, taught violin lessons, learned to knit, and developed a love for sushi and gin and tonic, to name just a few things.

Yet I still feel the same.

I don't know why this is so surprising to me. I was shocked when I got married to learn that I was still the exact same person after I went through the ceremony and signed the marriage liscence as I was before all of that. It took me a few months to come to terms with it. That sounds silly now, but I think some part of me thought (and maybe still does...too many Audrey Hepburn movies) that some mysterious and magical change comes over a person when one gets hitched, and one begins to feel wifely or husbandly and knows how automatically to be the perfect spouse (or at least the perfect housekeeper, or something). I had a great example of a tried and true, long-lasting union in my parents, who bicker occasionally about silly things, but have lasted for almost 40 years without many bumps in their relationship road.

I was shocked when I got a job in "the real world" that I didn't automatically become a morning person. I was surprised when I bought a house that I didn't automatically become a fabulous housekeeper. It was interesting to learn that the instant I got a newer car, I forgot about how exciting it was.

So still feeling like the same soul I was 10 years ago is weird. The body is a little older, and the experiences have certainly made an impact, but I'm still me. I haven't really thought about the fact that I'm just going to have to accept who I am...I suppose that I always expected to be able to change if I wanted, but that seems NOT to be the case. If I am the same now as I was 10 years ago, it stands to reason that I will be the same 10 years into the future. I hope I can be a good me, since I seem to be settled into who I am.